In one of my past relationships, the guy stopped in the middle of having sex to say, “I’m losing sensitivity because of the condom. Do you mind if I take it off?” I was on birth control and we had both been tested for STD’s, but I had never had sex without a condom before so I said I would have to think about it. He tried to be respectful but gave off a, “darn, this is bummer” kind of vibe, which I really did not appreciate, and I don’t think anyone should do that, or put up with that.

I did think about it some more and decided I was open to having sex without a condom because we were exclusive, I trusted that he was clean (sometimes I don’t trust when someone says that…), and I was on birth control. So we did, and towards the end, he was like, “ can I cum on you?” I was like, “what?”

Basically, he was wondering if he could release his little sperm on my stomach. Not knowing what else to say, I said, “sure,” and ended up with a significant amount of sticky, cloudy, mucus-like goo on my stomach. I thought it was gross, and he didn’t help me to clean it up at all, which was minus gentleman points for him. This happened a couple more times before I realized that I didn’t like doing this with him.

Since then, I have realized that when I really like someone, and they are thoughtful about the process, I don’t mind cum getting on my body because I want my partner to experience maximum pleasure. But when I don’t like someone as much, and they aren’t gentlemanly about it (ask, help clean up, etc), then I’m not cool with it because it feels like I’m being used as a garbage can. Some days, I prefer a condom because it’s cleaner, and if men don’t react well to that, it almost never works out as a relationship.

-26, Boston, Female, Dancer